Looking for trouble? Here I am!

I don't look for trouble, trouble finds me wherever I go. I'm a normal, reasonably well-behaved four months something puppy who's never done anything to deliberately hurt anyone else. I love humans, can't get enough of them in fact. They are the keepers of all good things including cheese and toys, they also provide us dogs with housing and cuddles. And yet, I'm slowly learning that you can't trust all of them. As a dog, its difficult to know what to watch out for as the human body language is so vague. But I think I can conclude that although most of them are brilliant dog lovers, others are genuinely scared of dogs, and there's a small group of really mad people.

My first incident with an aggressive human was with a runner in the park. Granted, I did chase him a little but I'm a puppy and its not like I'm a rabid Great Dane dog or anything. Anyway, the man panicked and started kicking wildly in my direction as he was waving his arms at the same time. I now know that this meant he was scared, but at the time I honestly thought he was playing with me. After whisking me out of harms way, my human made the other human apologize and luckily I wasn't actually hit by his feet.

My second incident was earlier this week. My human and I were taking a stroll along the river in a pedestrianized area when we met another human who had a puppy my age. Us puppies started wrestling at the side of the path and the humans stood next to us chatting. Suddenly my new friend looks up and sees a bicycle coming towards us and runs to his human for help. I hadn't seen the bike but was quick on my paws to follow him - only to get pinned to the ground by a fat bicycle tyre. My puppy sirens set off and as soon as I got loose I ran to my human who checked me over before turning her gaze back to the cyclist. Believe it or not but he was already on his way and hadn't even bothered to check if I was OK.

Tonight I met the maddest of them all. I call her Elephant woman not only because she was a big waddling beast of a human, but because she was wearing a coat with big printed elephants on it. That coat was almost mad enough in itself, so I kept my eyes pinned at her as we met her on the sidewalk. My human agreed there was something strange about her that put both our guards up, so she pulled my lead in and we progressed to walk past her on the inside.

As soon as we come within reach the Elephant woman starts thrusting her umbrella towards me like its a sword and I'm the bad dragon or something. I barked, and my human used her scariest 'bad dog voice' to command the woman to 'stop that immediately'. I could tell she meant business, but that command didn't work at all on the Elephant woman, it caused what can only be described as an elephant patterned explosion of movement. The woman started shouting, waving her sword and chasing us like a demented fencer in her slow waddling way along the side walk shouting 'what did I do? What did I do?' Needless to say we made a run for it, but not until my human (who I've now started to think of as a mama bear protecting her cub) got a chance to tell the mad woman a thing or two. If my human had fangs she'd be one bitch to watch out for.